Review: I received this book for free from the hospital with my second child and didn’t read it. However, when I had my third child, we had some issues breastfeeding initially and I looked through my resources to try and find forgotten ways to improve my week-old child’s latch. I stumbled across this book on my bookshelf and decided to read it.

If you are in actuality heading home with your newborn for the very first time, then this book is full of thorough, reasonable advice. If however, you’re on your second (or third, fourth, etc.) child, I don’t think there’s anything really useful in this book. The advice is superficial enough that if you’ve done it once before, there aren’t really any hidden gems of wisdom. I didn’t find anything useful to help me with my breastfeeding issues since, while the advice was good, it was already what I was trying.

Also, while I feel like the advice is thorough, I feel like most of it is unnecessary. For example, not many people will need a step-by-step tutorial for how to dress their baby. However, given the wide variety of topics this book covers, since I have it anyway, I will probably keep it until I am sure that I’m done having kids. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Review: I really, really enjoyed the first half of this book which is basically an autobiographical account of a very interesting woman’s experience living with and observing the parenting practices of a primitive, Stone Age culture. I could not put the book down when reading that half of the book. It is relevant not only to parenting, but to life in general. I was not an enormous fan of the second half of the book where the author theorizes on the effect of such an upbringing vs. modern practices on a grown individual. While I agree with a lot of what the author asserts, there are definitely pieces of her theory that I don’t agree with. (i.e. I do not believe that parenting techniques have anything to do with homosexuality.) However, I enjoyed the first part of this book so much that I would recommend this book to pretty much everyone.

What’s funny is that this book doesn’t really teach much. There are no baby-raising instructions or words of wisdom for how to deal with certain situations. Despite this, or maybe because of this, the book makes a lasting impression. Everything this book teaches could be summarized in a few sentences. Basically, hold your baby, love your baby, enjoy your baby, every moment of every day. As a result, your life (and your child’s life) will be simpler, happier, better. While that is really the heart of what this book teaches, reading it will make the message become ingrained and unforgettable. As a word of warning, this book will likely make you feel extremely guilty if you’ve ever let your child cry for long periods of time while you intentionally did nothing.

I read this book while pregnant with my third child. He is now 6 months old and I still find myself thinking back to this book on occasion as I’m appreciating the wonder that is my precious baby boy. I also think of this book when my boy is in distress and I’m not able to comfort him, like while driving in the car. I think, “Man, those primitive continuum babies would never have had to endure this torture.” It’s impossible to say if this book had any impact on his current temperament, but he is the easiest child of my three. I do put him down several times a day (in exersaucers, on blankets, in a jumper – I do live in modern society with modern demands, after all), but I never let him cry for more than a few seconds. Whenever he wants to be picked up, I do everything I can to go get him as soon as possible. Even when he’s sad, his face lights up when he sees me. I already considered myself to have used attachment parenting with my first two children, but I am definitely enjoying mothering my infant now in a way that didn’t seem possible before reading this book. (Personal Rating: 9/10)

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Review: I’m sure this book is useful to someone. After all, as stated on the cover, it was featured on “Oprah.” However, having had a baby before, it wasn’t at all useful to me. Now on the one hand, you might say, “Well, you already had a baby, so you’ve already made all these decisions, so of course it wasn’t useful to you. That’s not the book’s fault.”

On the other hand, I don’t think I would have benefited from making any decisions differently if I’d read this book first and that I actually might have ended up spending more money. The introduction does make the point that this book is not for do-it-yourself-ers. It’s for people who like and want nice things, they just don’t want to pay a lot for them.

So if you’re someone who really wants to have a brand new Italian stroller and a top-of-the-line coordinated crib/dresser/changing table set, then this book might help you save money. However, I’m more of a not-do-it-at-all-er as opposed to a DIYer as far as babies are concerned and this book would not have helped me one bit. Personally, I don’t see the need for things like cribs and changing tables, while this book takes for granted the fact that these items are necessities.

The bottom line is that for the 2010 edition, which is the one I read, the book claims that they will cut the cost of raising a baby for the first year from $7,040 to $4,149. That just sounds crazy to me. Sure if you consider everything you might possibly ever need or want for your baby and try to get it all cheaply you might “save” $3,000 compared to retail prices. However, that’s the entirely wrong attitude in my opinion. One should start from the other end and ask the question, “What do we really need in order to get this kid to their first birthday?”

If you decide that there’s something that you don’t REALLY need, but would be nice to have, get it used at a garage sale or consignment store. That’s a better way to save money if you ask me. (Personal Rating: 4/10)

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Review: I think of the series of three books (Baby Signs, Baby Minds, Baby Hearts), this one is my favorite. Like the other books in the series, it’s easy to read, filled with a lot of useful information, and references several interesting studies. However, like the other books in the series, it’s also at times a little dull and wordy in my opinion and so not a very fast read (for me). What I like about this one is that I think the information it presents is the most essential for a new parent to know about. The content of Baby Minds is interesting, but not crucial in my opinion. Baby signing is extremely useful. I just feel it’s better presented for the average parent in other books.

What this book focuses on is how important for the child that the parent develops a healthy attachment with their child. I’ve definitely read this information several times in other books, my favorite being The Vital Touch, but what’s nice about this book is that it’s very thorough and presents the information in an accessible way that I feel is universally relevant. (The Vital Touch may be too touchy-feely for some.)

The book is divided into two parts, each with 5 main sections. The first part focuses on 5 positive aspects of development being 1) a healthy attachment, 2) expressing emotions effectively, 3) developing empathy, 4) developing friendships, and 5) self-esteem and self-confidence. The second part focuses on 5 developmental challenges being 1) fear and anxiety, 2) shyness and withdrawal, 3) anger and defiance, 4) hostility and aggression, and 5) shame. Other than maybe their pro-timeout stance, I really agree with everything they say. My only issue was that I’ve read about these topics piecemeal before, so instead of thoroughly reading all their advice, at time I would just read the main headings and skim the sub-paragraph descriptions. For example, if a bold tip was “Highlight Positive Behavior”, I wouldn’t feel the need to carefully read the 500 words explaining what that meant. Overall, though, I think this is a good reference and would definitely be worth reading if you’ve not been introduced to the importance of attachment before, specifically the experiments done by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. However, again, a slightly longer and more difficult, but much more interesting and informative read on the same topic, in my opinion, is The Vital Touch. (Personal Rating: 8/10)

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Review: This was a really solid piece of work, in my opinion. It’s full of tons of interesting studies (including ones that I’d never heard of before, which is becoming rare) and lots of useful information and tips. However, the greatest strength of this book is that the author has a style and a tone which is completely readable, engaging, and friendly.

Many of the books I’ve read recently were packed full of information, but just so dry, I could barely stand it. This one was a refreshing change. The only reason why I didn’t like it more was because, at times, the author says things with which I don’t personally agree and doesn’t really seem to back up those assertions with research. However, this was fairly rare. I can’t even remember exactly what it was that I disagreed with, but I know one instance had to do with punishment and another time I felt more like he was giving advice for training your pet as opposed to dealing with your child. Overall, though, it was a very positive, helpful book, that promotes being empathetic and understanding, a philosophy which I definitely support. (Personal Rating: 8/10)

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Review: If one is exhausted and really needs to do something to help their child sleep so that they can sleep, I think this book is the right place to start. It is absolutely not a book about crying-it-out or any supposedly more humane modification. It is a book that is extremely respectful of the child and the relationship between parent and child.

However, it is so respectful that I’m not actually sure it can be much more effective than doing nothing. Even the author admits that any change that occurs will be a gradual change, over a period of a couple weeks or months, over which time changes would occur naturally.

I was actually fairly ambitious when I read this book. My husband and I co-sleep with our 1 and 3 year olds and while we are more or less satisfied with our arrangement most nights, there is definitely room for improvement. I constructed my own “sleep plan” as described in the book, which mostly consisted of logical steps (trying to feed the baby extra before bedtime, keeping the environment calm, developing a routine, etc.)

However, I had a really hard time sticking to the plan, so I can’t say whether or not it would have worked had we continued it for longer than we did. There are logs that one is supposed to fill out every 10 days, and I did fill out the first 10 day log, though mostly just to say we haven’t been following our plan. There had been slight improvement based on our sample size of two nights 10 days apart, but then our kids caught colds and after that the stomach flu, then we were out of town for 3 nights, and well, I eventually just stopped even pretending like I was trying to follow a “plan.”

So, in summary, it didn’t work for me, but I wasn’t really unhappy with our sleeping arrangement to begin with, so I wasn’t truly motivated to make changes. I can handle one or two 5 minute night wakings from the one year old and our 3 year old sleeps pretty consistently through the night so I know that even doing nothing, things will eventually turn out alright.

I don’t want to seem like I’m disparaging this book too much though. I’m more or less opposed to sleep training of any form and I was really encouraged by this book. I think it is full of really good (if somewhat obvious) suggestions, and is definitely worth trying before resorting to a cry-it-out approach. (Personal Rating: 8/10)

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Review: This book would be a really good reference for a new parent, as the author is sensitive and respectful of children and thoroughly covers a wide range of topics. However, I can’t imagine reading this book cover to cover or even an entire chapter at a time, since the age ranges are fairly broad, particularly for older children (newborn, first 6 months, second 6 months, 1 – 2.5 years, 2.5 to 5 years).

I presently have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. My one year old is nothing like a 2.5 year old and my 3 year old is nothing like a 5 year old, so while I attempted to read both of the last two sections in their entirety, I just found too much of it irrelevant to stick with it. Also, although the book covers the first 5 years of life, over half of it is dedicated to the first year alone.

I also did not find much of the information particularly insightful or thought-provoking. If one has time to read all 500+ pages of this book before their child reaches each age range, great. However, if not, I think most of the information will be readily discovered anyway without any serious issues arising due to lack of foresight or preparation.

While I found this book to be overwhelming, I do sincerely like the author and agree with most of her advice. Here’s an excerpt from the introduction that illustrates the author’s attitude toward children. “If your three year old panics when you turn out her bedroom light, stop. Listen to her; listen to your own feelings. While she is afraid, there can be no luxurious rest for her or well-earned adult peace for you. Put a light on again and let you both be content.

It does not matter whether she “ought” to be scared of the dark; it only matters, to everyone present, that she is. (pg. 12)” I definitely think this book is an excellent alternative to the What to Expect Series (Your Child’s First Year, etc.). I think it would be a really good resource for someone pregnant with their first child. However, for someone with multiple kids, particularly those past the infant stage, the value of this book seems fairly limited. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Review: I really didn’t think I was going to like this book. I don’t know why, maybe based on its popularity, but I thought this book was going to be about how to train your baby to be calm by teaching them independence at a young age though the cry-it-out method. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The main point of this book is that your baby really should be in the womb longer than 9 months, but that they need to be born too young in order to fit through the birth canal. Due to this, they need to be treated with extreme sensitivity during their first few months. Whenever they behave colicky or exhibit out of control crying, the best thing to do is to replicate the sensations of the womb to turn on the supposed “calming reflex”. The author uses a method called the 5 S’s to trigger this reflex. The 5 S’s are swaddling, side/stomach, swinging, shushing, and sucking. After I read this book, I felt extremely confident and pretty much challenged my newborn to cry uncontrollably so that I could see if it worked. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it did work most of the time. The method didn’t always get the baby to calm completely as the author indicated it should, but I’d say 4 times out of 5, I could stop the screaming (thereby saving my sanity).

It’s important to note that there are many ways to use the 5 S’s. The way I implemented this method with both of my babies that worked the best for me was to start with swaddling (and I felt like the author did a good job describing an effective way of doing this, though I needed to purchase bigger swaddle blankets to make them snug and secure). Then I put the baby up on my shoulder (stomach), patted and bounced a little (swing), shushed in their ear, and then offered a pacifier if they still had trouble calming, though this wasn’t usually necessary. When it didn’t completely work, they would usually switch from screaming to general grumbling with intermittent wails. When this worked well, which was most of the time, both of my babies would fall asleep within minutes. In fact, I normally used this method whenever I wanted them to go to sleep in public or when visiting people rather than nursing them to sleep. While this book doesn’t really cover many aspects of parenting, I think it does a good job of covering one very important aspect of parenting: how to calm a screaming baby. (Personal Rating: 9/10)

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Review: When I bought this book, I honestly thought it was going to be about infant massage based on the title. It turns out this book has almost nothing to do with infant massage, but instead is the most thorough, well-written, data supported, convincing book on parenting at infant that I have read. While the author doesn’t focus on “attachment parenting” as a parenting style, she advocates many of the same tenets of attachment parenting, extolling the benefits of touching, holding, baby-wearing, nursing, co-sleeping, etc.

The author supports these and other forms of intimacy between parent and child based on an examination of cross-cultural, multi-generational evidence as well as formally conducted studies and experiments. A word of caution is that, while fairly easy reading, this book is dense. I generally finish books in two or three days. This one took me the better part of two weeks, party due to the length, and partly because it is so packed with details that after reading a chapter or two, one feels the need to put it down for awhile to digest all the information.(Personal Rating: 10/10)

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Review: I never directly saw any of the publicity related to this book when it came out. Everything I heard was second hand from in-laws, friends, and co-workers and, honestly, I wasn’t very impressed. They get babies to sleep through the night by waiting to see if they’ll go back to sleep on their own? They make their children try foods multiple times even if they don’t like them the first time?

These and similar anecdotes I heard didn’t sound like great philosophical breakthroughs about child-rearing. I didn’t see the point. However, of course, I had to read the book. I wasn’t expecting to learn any real gems of wisdom I hadn’t already heard, based on what I’d heard people say about it, but you never know.

Did I learn anything revolutionary from this book? No, not really. However, what surprised me is how much I agree with the nuances of what the French supposedly do. While I don’t think I’ll change any of my parenting practices based on this book (I highly doubt I’ll send my kids away to week long camps when they’re four and I know I won’t be wearing high heels to the playground anytime soon), it was shocking to me how similar the main message of this book is to guiding philosophy of one of my favorite parenting authors, Burton White. Both books seem to think that the key to having happy, well-behaved, unspoiled children is for them to start to understand from a young age (like 8 months or so) that while they are dearly loved, they are no more important than anyone else.

Also, while French parents clearly don’t follow the principles of attachment parenting (many don’t breastfeed very long, room-in with their children after birth, wear their babies, co-sleep, etc.), based on the authors descriptions they seem to be very attuned to their children, which is ultimately what all that attachment stuff is about, right? Even regarding sleep, while they do let their babies fuss a little bit when they wake up, they definitely do not in general seem to follow the cry-it-out approach, but rather observe and treat each child uniquely.

I think there is a lot of good advice in this book and the style of writing is very friendly and conversational. For the parts of the French parenting philosophy that I already more or less follow, I find Burton White’s books to be more useful and to the point. However, there is a lot of discussion about other topics such as diet, discipline, learning, and spousal relations that are worth reading, if not following.

Unfortunately, while interesting, the sections on day-care, nannies, and returning to work are not particularly useful for the average American woman, unless they plan on relocating to France. While I do find the book to be slightly long-winded for the average parent and a lot of the advice best implemented starting at a very young age, it would be a great book for a pregnant first-time mother to leisurely read in her rapidly diminishing free-time. (Personal Rating: 8/10)

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