Title: How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success
Author: Tovah P. Klein
Publication Year: 2014
Website: www.tovahklein.com
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Review: I read this book as part of a book club with a couple of my friends whose only children are definitively toddlers. It’s not the type of parenting book I would have selected for myself anymore, since I feel pretty capable handling toddlers at this point, though I enjoy reading parenting books and have read several books of this type.

Overall, I completely agree with the author’s point of view regarding toddlers and I feel like this book was well-written. It just didn’t cover anything new or enlightening as far as I’m concerned. If I weren’t reading it chapter-by-chapter to discuss with friends, I probably would have just skimmed it. If you have never lived through the toddler years before or read anything about them, then this would be a good, thorough place to start. However, the most useful concept I got out of this book was that she considers a 5 year old a “toddler.” While I wouldn’t apply that label to my 5 year old, it was helpful for me to be reminded that he can still be as needy and inflexible as my younger children, and that I should do my best to be more patient and understanding.

While there are many useful points in this book, I feel like a whole book on them was overkill. Much of the useful information of this book is summarized in the conclusion (which is much quicker to read). For example, some of the advice I agree with is to resist micromanaging your child and helping with tasks they can do themselves. Also, parents should allow children plenty of time to play freely, since playing is learning. I also agree that parents should resist praising children too much, so that they can enjoy the satisfaction they get themselves for accomplishing a task. Also, allowing them to be bored is important for their developing natural creativity and curiosity.

One of the points I do not agree with completely is her encouragement not to push kids to share. I agree that I never truly expect my kids to share willingly and eagerly since they are still very young. However, she did not convince me that I shouldn’t let them know that there is an expectation. I believe that most kids are capable of sharing without drama at 2. There are case-by-case exceptions depending on how tired, hungry, or overwhelmed the child is feeling and how desirable the object of contention is. If the child has closely-spaced siblings, they don’t really have a choice. Sharing is just a way of life (though I admit that I keep telling myself and my kids that mostly for my sanity).

I also did not really whole-heartedly agree with her discussion of nighttime parenting. She leans a little more toward the cry-it-out method than I personally have used with my own kids. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with her methods or even more rigid nighttime parenting techniques, necessarily. I do truly think all kids turn out okay for the most part regardless of how their parents treat them at night. However, I don’t think that a more lenient, relaxed approach is necessarily as bad as she implies. I disagree with her assertion that kids don’t outgrow sleep difficulties on their own. In my experience, they do.

Overall, I appreciate the author’s gentle, patient parenting approach and honestly, I can’t think of a better book specifically for the toddler years. It just didn’t have a large impact on my parenting philosophies or practices since I’ve read similar ideas in many other places. Maybe if I’d read it earlier in my parenting journey, I would have found it a lot more valuable. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Title: Teach Your Own: The John Holt Book of Homeschooling
Author: John Holt & Pat Farenga
Publication Year: 1981
Website: www.johnholtgws.com
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Review: It is not so much that I am opposed to unschooling as that I just found this book a little condescending and not particularly useful. I completely agree with the author that children are probably more likely to learn something if they are driven by their own interests and internal motivation than if they are forced to learn something in school. However, the first part of this book bothered me mainly because of how strongly the author was anti-school. It came across as fairly judgmental. The message seemed to be: obviously if you’re reading this you are a good parent who would not send your child to public school since we all know school is horrible and damaging.

Personally, I think I will probably do some form of child-led homeschooling. However, I really don’t feel the public school system is as sinister as the author believes. I feel that many if not all public school teachers deeply care about kids and their education. I think teaching is a noble, under-valued profession. I agree that there are elements of school which are detrimental to a child’s natural curiosity and passion for learning, such as grading and forced curricula. However, I don’t believe kids that attend public school are destined for as bleak a future as the author predicts.

The other reason why I was not overly fond of this book is that once the authors got past the part berating the public school system (which was interesting if exaggerated), I just thought the book was somewhat dry and outdated. The book is mainly a compilation of letters to the author about different families’ homeschooling experience arranged into different topics by chapter. Some of them were interesting and illustrated good points, such as to show that any parent can homeschool regardless of their education level or how to assist an older child in learning more about a topic of interest by finding educational experiences for adults. However, many of the other examples I just skimmed over as they did not seem particularly relevant to me at this moment.

Overall, I agree with the overarching philosophies promoted in this book on an ideal educational experience for a child, but I don’t think anyone needs to read this specific book to learn about them. Free Range Learning, for example, is a much more user-friendly and positive.
(Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Title: More Charlotte Mason Education: A Home Schooling How-To Manual
Author: Catherine Levison
Publication Year: 1999
Website: www.catherinelevison.com
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Review: While the author’s first book, A Charlotte Mason Education, briefly describes all aspects of a Charlotte Mason-style homeschool experience in very general terms, this book goes into more detail about how one would actually homeschool one’s own children using this method. Since my 3 kids are still too young to need this sort of structure (the oldest is 5) this book was not as helpful to me. If one day I decide to both homeschool my children using a structured approach, I might revisit this book. At present, I’m leaning towards something a little more unstructured if/when I eventually homeschool, so a lot of the details were irrelevant to me (planning book, length of lesson periods, etc.).

However, there were some discussions in this book that I found particularly useful. One was the “century book” which a child uses throughout their education at least until age 18. The main idea is that each child has a notebook with one lined page and one blank page allotted for each century going back to at least a few thousand years BC. The lined page can be divided into different years (for example, 20 lines would represent 5 years each). When learning about history, the child makes a short notation in their century book on the appropriate page and line. It is important to note that the notation has to be brief as this notebook is expected to last for several years without adding additional pages. The blank pages are for pictures the child wishes to draw relevant to each century (for example drawings of artifacts they see firsthand during a museum trip). Other useful sections involved a more thorough description of the use of narration and homeschooling the high school age child.

For those wishing for a secular education for their children, I should point out that this second book has more references to God and Christianity than the first book. However, it was not to a degree that I think would bother most people as long as they were willing to accept that the author’s personal priorities might differ from their own. There was only one aspect of her advice that really sort of bothered me. Since the author believes the earth to only be a few thousand years old, in describing the century book, the author mentions that if a museum dated an artifact before their family believed the earth was formed, they just put the artifact wherever they felt was most appropriate. As a scientist, this one paragraph made me a little uncomfortable. Other than that, I think this book has lots of useful information and I might revisit it again in a few years if at that point I am homeschooling my children. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Title: Mom’s Handy Book of Backyard Games
Author: Pete Cava
Publication Year: 2000
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Review: Right now my kids are 5, 3, and 1. By and large the games in this book are not helpful for this age group. There are a few activities with minimum ages of 3 years and 5 years, but they are mainly the games I already know (tag, mother may I?, simon says, leap frog, staring contest, etc.). My other problem with many of the games I haven’t heard of is that they are meant for large groups of kids. We have playdates once in a while with 2 or 3 other kids, but at this age I can’t imagine organizing a bunch of 5 year olds into a game.

I should have also known this book wasn’t meant for my family, because we don’t even have much of a backyard. I’m sure a lot of the games can be played at a park or any place with an open grassy area, but since we’d have to travel to get there, that sounds way too ambitious for me. However, there are a number of positive aspects to this book.

There is a wide selection of games of different difficulties, many of the games sound like activities I’m sure older kids would enjoy, and the instructions are easy to understand. The index lists the games by both age and supplies needed. I definitely want my kids to grow up with this kind of “good clean fun” so I’ll need to remember to check this book out from the library again in maybe 4 years or so. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Review: There are two messages from this book that I thought were really helpful and spot on. 1) Give the child a choice. 2) Don’t get angry. Another message that was possibly helpful was that punishments don’t really work. However, I sort of felt like a lot of the “logical consequences” in this book were actually punishments, so I’m not sure they follow their own message.

For example, if a child forgets their homework, you shouldn’t take it to them, even if you are able, in order to teach the child a lesson about responsibility and the consequences of being forgetful. Maybe this example is particularly offensive to me, because I was a straight A student who *one time* in junior high, forgot an important project which the teacher said we couldn’t turn in late. My mom brought it to me and the office gave her a hard time about how she shouldn’t be catering to me. Yes, maybe if she hadn’t I would have made extra sure never to forget anything again. However, the experience was scary enough for 7th grade me that I don’t think I would have forgotten anything again anyway and the message I got instead was that my mom loved me enough to come bring me my project even though it was inconvenient for her and that she was on my side.

The book has a lot of examples of consequences which seem unnecessarily harsh to me, but back to the two messages I found helpful. First: Give the child a choice. The authors’ main point is that instead of telling the child what to do and inviting a power struggle or telling them what they are doing wrong or even asking them to do something differently, you should give them a choice that makes them think.

If you can engage their brain, they are more likely to listen to you and less likely to be defiant. I’ve been using this somewhat effectively with my 4 year old when I remember. For example, if he’s antagonizing his little sister, I might say something like, “You can choose to be a nice big brother and make her feel happy or you can choose to keep bothering her.” I emphasize choice, because that’s very important when you’re 4, and he usually will be nice to her for at least a few minutes without any threats or punishment.

The second reason why this book is helpful is that the parents in this book seem to be having a good time. They keep their cool and don’t get angry. Instead of yelling, threatening, and punishing, the tactics they endorse seem both effective and practical. The problem is that they seem almost like war tactics. I feel like I was following some of this philosophy inadvertently before I read this book, but I felt a little bad about it.

For example, if my kids are whining I’ll say, “Go in another room until you’re done talking with that voice, because I don’t want to listen to it.” That is a logical consequence, which I think the authors would support, and it works at least temporarily. I’m just not sure it’s the best technique for long term peace and happiness. Sometimes I worry that I’m just prolonging the war. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Review: I didn’t realize it at the time, but this book is actually a sequel. I think I might have enjoyed it more if I had read the first one. This book is not really what I thought it was going to be, which probably just shows how narrow-minded I am. When the title said “Buddhism” I was expecting more like a watered-down, pithy version of Buddhism that would help me be calm in trying situations, not actual Buddhism.

The author is in fact a Buddhist who really does want to teach you Buddhism, not that I’m opposed to this at all. I think it’s a great idea, it’s just not what I was expecting and given that I know absolutely nothing about real Buddhism, I probably would be better off starting somewhere else if I wanted to learn about the practice (maybe even the author’s first book).

However, the book is also exactly what I expected in that it does remind you to appreciate the moment, not dwell on the past or worry too much about the future. It tries to teach you to not be too self-critical or over-analytical.

Most importantly, it gives you the tools to be mindful in your parenting, so you can enjoy your kids and be grateful for them and not react to situations in a way that you might regret later. Since reading it a few days ago, I find myself talking a little quieter and trying to stay calm when ordinarily I would get angry and yell. As a result, my relationship with my kids feels a little closer and more loving. These Buddhists might be on to something. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Review: I received this book for free from the hospital with my second child and didn’t read it. However, when I had my third child, we had some issues breastfeeding initially and I looked through my resources to try and find forgotten ways to improve my week-old child’s latch. I stumbled across this book on my bookshelf and decided to read it.

If you are in actuality heading home with your newborn for the very first time, then this book is full of thorough, reasonable advice. If however, you’re on your second (or third, fourth, etc.) child, I don’t think there’s anything really useful in this book. The advice is superficial enough that if you’ve done it once before, there aren’t really any hidden gems of wisdom. I didn’t find anything useful to help me with my breastfeeding issues since, while the advice was good, it was already what I was trying.

Also, while I feel like the advice is thorough, I feel like most of it is unnecessary. For example, not many people will need a step-by-step tutorial for how to dress their baby. However, given the wide variety of topics this book covers, since I have it anyway, I will probably keep it until I am sure that I’m done having kids. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Review: I’ve already read one of Maria Montessori’s other books, The Secret of Childhood, so I was prepared for her writing style (a bit antiquated and wandering) and found it more understandable (and tolerable) in this book. My biggest problem with is that there are no chapters and very few section headings or really breaks of any sort. (To be fair, this was her handbook and not a book she was intending an audience to read.) I’m the sort of person that reads a chapter at a time, or at the very least, if I need to stop somewhat suddenly, I try to find an appropriate break in the text. I read this book in 3 sittings, because each time I started reading, I could never really find an appropriate place to take a break.

What this book contains is a summary of her overall teaching philosophy and a description of the various materials that are used in a Montessori classroom, with an emphasis on the preschool level. Since I’m already fairly familiar with the material, what I found most useful were some interesting points she made that helped clarify and understand her overall method. For example, I’ve never really understood the purpose of the sand paper letters other than as a way to help ingrain in a child’s brain the association between the shape of a letter and the sound.

However, Montessori makes the point that if a child can trace a letter with his finger and is separately able to practice pencil control by tracing geometric shapes, then the child can write. Also, I’ve never been exactly clear on how much praise is given in a Montessori classroom, or if it’s considered entirely inappropriate and counterproductive. On page 132, she states, “Let us wait, and be always ready to share in both the joys and the difficulties which the child experiences. He himself invites our sympathy, and we should respond fully and gladly.” Personally, I really like this description, as I always felt the description of a Montessori directress seemed a little too aloof and distant in my opinion.

One final point that I found interesting was an unintentional comparison between a Montessori education and a totally free “unschooling” homeschool environment, both of which give the child the freedom to take control of their own education. On page 189 she makes the following statement, which implies that the difference, if there is one, would lie in the “preparedness” of the environment.

“It is the perfect organization of the work, permitting the possibility of self-development and giving outlet for the energies, which procures for each child the beneficial and calming satisfaction…Freedom without organization of work would be useless. The child left free without means of work would go to waste…”

Overall, this is not a book that I would recommend to a parent casually interested in the Montessori method. However, for someone whose curiosity runs deeper, this short little book might be worth a read. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Review: This book was withdrawn from my library even though it’s not very old, so I got it for 50 cents. I think it’s kind of a shame that it was discarded so soon, because if a parent were being encouraged to medicate their child for some condition, such as ADD, ADHD, depression, etc., and was not totally comfortable with the idea, this book would encourage them to trust their judgment and look for solutions that do not involve prescription medication.

While I do believe there are people and situations that would benefit from prescription drugs, in general, I agree with the author that the best policy is to treat this solution as a last resort, rather than a cure-all. However, at the same time, I don’t actually know any children who are being medicated for this reason, so maybe this advice is not really relevant in my local community.

The author advocates looking at factors such as a child’s diet, amount of sleep, family circumstances, school situation, possible trauma, and overall general health before diagnosing a child with a condition such as ADHD and recommends making alterations in areas such as these before treating the child with drugs.

Since I don’t personally know that I have a child with this condition, I can’t evaluate how helpful it is. However, if I did have a child that seemed to exhibit some of these behaviors, I would definitely want to reexamine this book. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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Review: I think this is a really interesting concept for a book, because as the author points out and most people would agree, girls frequently enjoy “boy” books, but boys are less interested in “girl” books. Many of the titles I’ve read, I enjoyed, and lots of the ones I never heard of sounded really interesting to me personally (a grown up girl). (Of course, there were others titles that sounded not appealing to me at all such as the first recommendation: Smart Feller, Fart Smeller.) If someone were going to read aloud a story to a class or to a group of children of mixed gender and ages (such as siblings), this is basically a compilation of books that are likely to appeal to a wide range of people.

Another reason why this book seems useful is because it focuses on older kids (about 8 through 16). I spend quite a lot of time trying to select great picture books for my toddler and preschooler, but let’s be honest. They’re not that critical of what I read to them. They’re just happy to be read to and don’t particularly care if it’s a classic like The Little Engine That Could or an unmemorable board book from the library about learning shapes. However, older children can be challenging. If they’ve already decided they don’t like reading, getting them interested in a book can be difficult. This seems like it would be a good reference for that situation, particularly if the unenthusiastic reader is a boy.

The only thing I thought was somewhat strange about this book is that there are a fairly limited number of titles (around 400) and how these titles were chosen is a little unclear. It appears the author collaborated with certain children’s authors and the works of these authors seem to be somewhat over-represented in the list. Also, rather than say, “this series of books is good,” the author frequently lists the first few titles from books in the same series, which seems a little unnecessary to me. Is he implying that when he doesn’t list a book from the series, it isn’t really very good? Overall though, I think this is a good resource for selecting novels for older children, especially, but not only, boys. (Personal Rating: 7/10)

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