I wasn’t expecting this book to have much influence on how I relate to my children. However, I was surprised to learn things about my kids after reading this book that I didn’t already know. I finished this book about a month ago and I still find myself thinking about it. As a result of learning my children’s love languages, I think my kids really are more certain of my love. This hasn’t resolved all the conflict in our family by any means, but I definitely think it has improved the overall attitude of everyone in our household.
Review: We all love our children. That goes without saying. I think for most of us…myself included…we assume that our kids know that. I, for one, tell my kids all the time. Before they go to bed. “I love you infinity.” When they wake up in the morning. “I missed you while you were sleeping!” And just randomly throughout the day. “I’m so lucky to have you.” However, as it turns out, my kids haven’t really been hearing me. Words are my love language, not theirs. In fact, of the 6 people in my family, words of affirmation are practically meaningless to everyone but me. The same goes for my other love language: acts of service. These things mean almost nothing to my husband and kids.
Conversely, the love languages that are least important to me personally, gifts and quality time, it turns out are VERY important to various people in my family. Touch, which is somewhere in the middle for me, is extremely important to a couple of my kids. With one of them I could easily tell touch was his primary love language, but with my other child I had no idea.
So what does this all mean? It means that sometimes, we have to do things that don’t come naturally for us in order for our kids to really FEEL our love. It’s important that our kids know we love them. They use that love as strength, as a shield to protect them from the bumps and bruises of life. Uncertainty weakens that shield and leads to a lot of negative consequences. Insecurity can cause our kids to be mean to each other. Conversely, when they are feeling well-loved (when their backpacks or cups are full as other books would say), they are happier and as a result, more cooperative and generous.
If I take the time to connect with my children by speaking to them in their primary love languages, our day goes much easier. Instead of nearly killing each other over who gets to sit where at the breakfast table, they are able to empathize better with each other and be more kind and loving people themselves. If you are at all unsure of your child’s love language, The 5 Love Languages of Children is definitely worth a read in my opinion.
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